My Heart

Zaccheus Marquez

September 10, 2007 - December 27, 2010

Zacc lived only three short years. I expected to grow old with him and have him go deaf and blind before I had to say good bye. But alas, life is often full of detours. I had to say good-bye this morning and my heart is pretty achey.

He stole my heart with his "milk-it-for-what-it's-worth" eyes. I had a written and well developed plan on how I was going to get a Westie and ended up meeting Zacc, the runt of the miniature poodle litter. He was a timid little thing with the perfectly crooked teeth and an eye that would sometimes float the opposite direction he wanted it to. I couldn't walk away from him. I literally teared up and said - "I can't leave him there. I want to make him happy."

From the time we was itty bitty, he would say hello belly up...begging to be loved on. I loved that about him. You couldn't sit down without him sitting beside you and rolling over. He wanted for you to pet him - even with your foot.

I'm seriously so sad. I cannot believe how short his life was. I can't believe that he was healthy one day and completely helpless the next. There's nothing that I could've done differently....

So - the story begins sort how it started. I cry wanting what is best for my little Zaccheus. What was best this time was saying good-bye.

Or Something...

I had a break down last night. It was an all time low. The kind where you just throw yourself on the floor...flat on your back, cover your eyes with one hand and slap the floor with the other and let all your frustrations come out in the form of a waterfall we call tears.

Yes. It was a pathetic...and I mean, a PATHETIC sight. If I would have made any decisions last night I'd probably regret them in the morning. (Or would I? I still don't know.)

My parents suggested I get on my knees and pray, but at that very moment...I just needed to let it all out and have a pity party!!!!

And guess what folks. Today was an EPIC FAIL! Imagine if I hadn't let it all out last night? I think I'd be on the breaking news. Instead, I felt like I was walking through a field of wild flowers...or something.

I think this is what you call denial.

So - this is where I am in my life. I finally have the job of my dreams....And I'm beginning to wonder if I dreamed a little TOO dreamy. This is the HARDEST job I've EVER had in my life!

All I know for sure right now is that I will crawl to the end if I have to...but I will make it to the end...and I am SUPER EXCITED about my Christmas, Spring and Summer breaks! WOOO-HOOO!!