Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Just when I think...

...that there's no way I'm going to survive this year financially, I'm reminded of Him who is in control of it all. Just when I start to believe that I really screwed myself over, there is HOPE!

September 11, I left a decent job. Did I LOVE it? No. Actually not at all. (Well, if we're talking the last 1.5 years of 3). I learned how to do the work by doing it with some but little training, and did it well. I learned a lot about working under pressure and producing the impossible with an amazing team (OMG - Looking back, how we did it is beyond me!!). I learned how to ask questions (I ask more questions than I did even then). I learned that I do indeed have a back bone (at one point I thought back bone days were over).

But I left. I left for MANY reasons, but mostly to pursue my dreams of becoming a teacher. I would leave most nights with the sun setting on the horizon (I'm not making this gushy - I'm being honest). Looking into the sunset on a daily basis made me think of myself in my 60's, 70's, 80's. I imagined myself sitting on a porch in a rocking chair chatting with people I love with the sun setting looking back at what my life is like RIGHT NOW and wondered if I'd be happy knowing that although I felt like I had a decent job that my dreams were going down the toilet. Would I be okay looking back on the years of my prime? The answer was always: No. These thoughts are haunting! Seriously haunting.

A bit over four months later, I'm here. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision (Oh Doubt, how you get the better of me at times!). Some may say it was a dumb choice because of the economic crisis, etc. But I was made to teach. I know that I know that I know! I know it to my core! I know it in my BONES! I have lots to learn even as a teacher but I know that I was made for this and wasting precious time was not longer an option for me. When I start getting into a funk I remember that although it may not exactly be my timing, I will be just fine.

I am "employed." However, I'm not working every day and each day that I don't get to work I wonder if I'm going to make it. But one thing is for sure. I am happier. I am happy to know that I'm pursuing the dreams from the age of SEVEN!

So...I'm saying hold on tight. And let your time with Jesus be sweet! These are the times that grow our relationship with Him.

I am still waiting. I am still hopeful!

"You have listened to fears, Child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?" --Aslan to Susan, Prince Caspian, C.S. Lewis

"I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed." --Psalms 37:25-26.

1 comment:

shelly said...

mimi - i'm giving you a virtual thumbs up/high five/big hug of encouragement for following those dreams...i think it was a fabulous decision. and i completely know the feeling of "uneasiness" about finances the days jobs don't come, but He always works it out :)