Thursday, April 12, 2012

Sick of the Roller Coaster I call - WEIGHT!

If there is anything I would like to teach my future daughter (if I have one ever), it is to love the skin she is in! Love it so much she talks nicely about it and she does everything to take care of it! That God the Creator of the Universe decided she would be the only person that was HER!

In order to do that, I have to set the example...and BELIEVE IT!

In high school, I overheard some guys talking about the girls saying that they actually thought I was prettier than one of the popular girls in the face, but I needed to lose weight! (I WASN'T FAT!) So I observed what people ate and how they ate it. I'd make mental notes of those who were overweight and those who I thought looked perfect - and then I'd put the notes to practice by asking: What do I want to look like? What should I eat? How should I eat it? Truth be told - I've never really been able to eat like those I think look perfect! I LOVE FOOD WAY TOO MUCH!

In college, I gained weight. I don't know if anyone escapes the freshman 15! Do you know of anyone? Anyway, I overheard some guys, my supposed friends, say to each other that I would be pretty if I lost a couple pounds. One guy even suggested I put on his belt just so he could see what hole I'd use...JERK!

In Korea, I gained weight. My piano teacher told me straight up that I had a pretty face, but my body was horrible. Post Korea, I lost weight (I was depressed) and then gained it back when as I was feeling happier. My brother told me that some guys told him, that I would be pretty if I lost some weight. I ended up gaining more!

I lost a bunch of weight in 2009, after I left a job that was going south and even more when I started working retail! I know for a fact that retail got me thin quick because I couldn't stop working even though I was hungry and also because I moved, lifted, carried, sorted so much crap in such a small amount of time. It was seriously four hour workouts every time I went in.

Unfortunately, I gained it ALL back (plus more) when I became a teacher. I stopped working out as often because I am so doggone tired at the end of the day or I'm always doing something or meeting up with friends that involves FOOD!!

I also gain every time I travel even if I'm not eating every carb that comes in sight. For whatever reason traveling makes me gain! I hate that bc I do enjoy traveling! So - I have to figure out WHY!!

For the record, I want to say that I never once cried about what these people had to say. Coming from a straight shooting Mexican family, I took it in, shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. I've always thought that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. They were helping me get stronger because people will always say what they want about me and I'll never be JUST right for them...People always have their opinions and they are always changing. I did actually chew one person out for it! I think by that time I was tired of hearing the same comments from people who say they "care" but have no idea what's going on with me.

Unfortunately, in my late twenties - and in a week, my thirties - I've not only gained weight, but grew a belly! Every year, I set a goal to lose weight but never ever set a plan to accomplish it. For me - a list maker - it DOES NOT WORK. Doesn't even work short term....Setting a goal without a plan is like waiting to do it tomorrow. We all know that tomorrows like that never come! So, after having a good solid SOBBING session this weekend, I sat down and made a plan.

People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life’s circumstances to push them down and hold them under.
Charles R. Swindoll

My goal –
*To lose 40 pounds in one year!
*To look great on my wedding day.
*To add another Half Marathon to my belt.

What I hope to gain by reaching my goal –
*To feel comfortable in dresses
*To have clothes that fit nicely
*To have healthier habits
*To look and feel as pretty as I did when I worked at the LOFT

What is the cost?
~3 pounds per month (~2 pounds per two weeks)
*No coke, More water
*No dinner after 7:30
*Go to bed earlier
*Prepare food for lunch
*Small treat twice a week
*Eat fewer processed foods – MORE FRESH FOOD!
*Pack good snacks for work – nuts, fruit, veggies
*Eat until I’m SATISFIED – not full…STATISFIED!!

This my friends is very personal, and something I would prefer NOT to share, but I'm fed up! I'm completely fed up and I'm trying to figure out a way to change my eating habits, change the way I think about myself because I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, change the way I think about food, and be intentional about the things I eat! I suppose that having a monthly report on my progress and recipes of what I prepare for myself is something worth posting and exciting to share...not to mention something to hold me accountable.

I started this up on Monday and I've cheated twice! :o( I'm trying to not beat myself up about it because it is new, but I'm also not making any excuses. First cheat was because it was in front of me and I didn't think before putting it my mouth. Second cheat was because I was officially hungry and I was stuck without any snacks (I hadn't packed any that day).

Anyway, all that to say is that I'm excited to put this plan into action...Visualising myself a year from now I get so excited! Even 2 months from now! Heck - for a 5 foot tall individual 4 pounds is like 40! NO JOKE!

Looking forward to a healthier ME!

1 comment:

Ulovebeth said...

Ugh. I understand!
It's not a fun game. I watched the Biggest Loser finale last night. It's hard to have a sane view about ourselves and weight. The world offers so much junk to eat (and most the times the worst of it is free) but it's difficult to choose the good stuff that God has made--such an allegory of our world. But regardless, He is gracious and loves us. Lumps and all. :)